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It's over

I got a huge pile of papers from Linköping University about the upcoming trial. I am not strong enough to handle this. I am resigning from my job, taking effect immediately, and leaving the country. My web site will likely go offline within a year or so.

Please remember me by not letting this happen again to anyone. Don't let LiU do this to more people. Please share my unfinished book.

Update (2018-11-27 16:03:02): I arrived in Copenhagen at 1 am and had no idea what to do. I wandered around the city all night. I was very cold and tired. In the morning I found the courage to call my family, and it turns out the police had been looking for me in Linköping last night (afraid I was going to kill myself). My mother had been to Linköping looking for me, as well. She met one of the police cars looking for me, and as always the police officers were extremely sympathetic and kind. Apparently, she met one of the police officers who took care of me a couple of years ago.

My mother convinced me to come back home, so I am back in Linköping, but I am still in shock. I still have a huge pile of papers lying on my desk which I do not dare to read, even though the court probably needs me to sign one of the papers.

Yesterday, I only read a few sentences here and there. I did find a pure misunderstanding, and – worse – an account from one of my former classmates. Trust me, she wasn't using kind words describing me.

I still don't know how I will be able to cope with this.

I wish Linköping University and my old classmates simply would say, "We are sorry we misunderstood you so badly, and we are sorry for everything we have put you through."

Update (2018-11-28 09:08:18): On my way to work today, I saw several LiU medical students. They are very easy to spot because they have the same kind of backpack. This has become a nightmare for me, because I feel extreme anxiety every time I see those. This anxiety has deepened every time LiU has made yet another statement or action against me, and especially since they caused this trial. I suppose this is what it feels like when a rape victim meets their offender in public. Today, I actually approached one of these students, asking him, "Why doesn't my life have any value to you?" I know that was wrong, but I couldn't help it. I completely panicked when I saw him (his backpack). Of course, Linköping University will use this incident as further evidence of how dangerous I am to students in the upcoming trial. But this extreme fear of mine has been to 100% caused by the actions of LiU. They met a person in great despair two years ago, treating him with nothing but cruelty. They have caused immense emotional damage to me. If I am a "monster" doing things like I did to this student, then this is a monster entirely created by Linköping University.

I left work almost as soon as I got there. After all, I am not fit for work now. All I can think of is the upcoming trial, and all the untrue things that LiU is saying and writing about me.

All I know for sure is that I have never ever wanted anything bad for anyone. I have always cared about all people around me, and other people as well. The single most important thing to me is that people are kind and warm to each other. I always try to be kind and warm to everone around me. The things LiU say about me are not true.

Also, I am not strong enough to handle this trial thing. I really am not. What happened today is yet another proof of that.

LiU had already won before they caused this trial. I'd never have the strength to go back to their medical school. That would be like a rape victim going back to work with their offender. I simply couldn't do that. Also, more generally, I don't think I have the energy to go back to any university. I do suffer from post-traumatic stress caused by everything that happened at LiU. Also, I wouldn't have the money to go back to school. So LiU had already won. I don't understand why they simply weren't content with this. I don't see how this trial benefits them, their students, or anyone else.

Update (2018-11-28 14:24:36): Some parts of me regret not committing suicide in Denmark, because I feel I am unable to cope with everything related to the trial. I am simply not strong enough. I may require hospitalisation. If I stop writing here, this is likely because I have been admitted to hospital.

I wish LiU and my former classmates would simply drop the trial thing and say, "We are sorry we misunderstood you so badly, and we are sorry for everything we have put you through."


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